Here's the thing: even if your dog doesn't speak english beyond commands and basics, words matter- a lot. Dogs deal with a consistent onslaught of us babbling to them- from monologues about our days to confounding paragraphs of instruction. Most people aren't aware of how much they are actually saying to their dog- in fact, one of the first things I usually address when working with clients is actually how to make commands totally clear in the way a dog is likely to respond. For instance, instead of saying "Okay Sparky can you get down? Oops! Don't Jump. I don't really want jumping right now, it was a long day at work and I am about ready to take you to the pound. Hey! Noooooo. Stop doing that. Sparky, why won't you just listen for once?!" it is much more effective to simply say "Off!" and pair that with an effective non-jumping protocol.
In my work with clients, it's also my job to help people notice the tone of voice they tend to use with their dog and make them aware of their excessive sternness or worried tone of voice. Some dogs hear mostly negatives, some dogs simply don't receive enough praise, and some dogs are excessively under command. It's good to be aware of what your default communication style is with your dog so you can balance things out. In training with clients, I most often find myself saying, "Don't forget to praise!"
This exercise is designed to help you understand objectively what your dog is actually hearing from you on a regular basis.
Step 1: Without thinking too hard, start to jot down some of the things you know you say a lot to your dog. Let it flow!
Step 2: Create three columns based on how each word, phrase, or command probably makes the dog feel: Positive, Neutral, and Negative. Assign each word or phrase to a category based on how it might be perceived by your dog. You may assign some words contingent on your tone of voice when speaking- for instance "Sit" could be Neutral, or "Sit!" when shouted angrily may be in the negative category.
Your chart should look something like this:
POSITIVE | NEUTRAL | NEGATIVE |
"Good Boy!" | "Sit" | "Shut Up!" |
"Yes!" | "Go Potty" | "Come!!" |
"You're such a cutie pie!" | "Not right now" | "Knock it off!!" |
Step 3. Reflect! Pay special attention to the category that is the most full. What does this say about your style of communication? What does it say about your leadership? What does it say about your overall relationship? Also consider the category that is most empty- could there be more or less in this category? Does your chart reveal holes in your training or lifestyle? In the negative category, are there ways to turn negative tones of voice or words (Shut Up!) into neutral commands or praise for doing an alternate behavior (Quiet)? This exercise also gives you a chance to eliminate some things from your vocabulary. You might take a red pen or marker and cross out some of the language that isn't benefiting your journey with your dog and make a real conscious effort to communicate differently in the future. You might also use the red pen to write things in to your chart that you would like to add to your future vocabulary, such as more praise like, "Good Boyyyy!"
This is an exercise that is best done over the course of a few days after the initial word dump. You might place your chart on the fridge, take your notebook with you on a hike, or keep it on your desk so that as you observe the way you talk to your dog in everyday settings, you can add to your chart. If you're up to sharing, we'd love to see some of the different word clusters you came up with! I think it's really interesting to see how other people might communicate differently with their dogs, so share away! You can email a copy or picture of your chart (anonymity guaranteed if you prefer it) to mindfulcanineutah@gmail.com. Did you like this exercise? Let us know in the comments!
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